


Bedazzled

by GobsmackApplejack



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, now with sketchy art, semi graphic description of an erect penis, so... there's a picture of a penis here somewhere, vague mention of a blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:59:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6951811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GobsmackApplejack/pseuds/GobsmackApplejack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lardo invites Shitty to see her new art pieces on display at a gallery.  She's especially proud of one piece in particular.<br/><br/>Of course, Shitty brings the team.<br/><br/>The chirps fly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bedazzled

**Author's Note:**

> See warning at the end if you think you need it... Re: um, dubcon exposure, sorta? idk.
> 
> This is the same 'verse as [Sexual Discourse](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6162088), in which Shitty and Lardo are together and I mention Lardo thinking about making an art piece like this.  
> Mouse-over for the Vietnamese translation. It's from a website with Vienamese proverbs, but I don't know how accurate it is.
> 
> If you have any gentle constructive criticism please let me know; I am always looking to improve my writing.

Lardo invites Shitty at the last minute to an art gallery opening where she has a few new pieces showing.  Last minute because, well, she made a sculpture of his dick and...  It’s a six foot tall bedazzled phallus, okay? She knows _he’d_ appreciate it.  (Especially since he didn’t have to do any of the bedazzling.)  But.  She just doesn’t want the rest of the team seeing it.  She’d get chirped to hell and back for sure and then she’d worry they wouldn’t listen to her anymore, like, it would take away her authority, their respect for her, that awed deference they show her which she’s carefully trained and nurtured over the last three years.

Not to mention, she’s not sure how much of a dick move it would be (heh, dick move), to sculpt someone’s schlong and show it to his friends without asking.  Not that she worked from the original or anything.  It was just, you know. From memory.

So you could say he was the muse, rather than the model.

Anyway, last minute because she didn’t want Shitty to tell anyone on the team about it and if that risked him not being able to make it, she would have been okay with that.  But he _is_  coming and is going to meet her here at the gallery, right when it opens.  She had to arrive several hours earlier to meet the delivery truck and set up her display.  It would have been nice to have him around to chat with, to give her feedback on her setup, layout and lighting, but that would have been a long few hours of Shitty staring at a mixed media representation of his peen.  Besides, he’s helped her out with enough art projects already.  Plus, she kind of wants to see his face when he sees it for the first time, all mounted (heh) under gallery lighting.  Professional. Or, as professional as a six foot sparkly phallus can be.

It's kind of a big deal for her.  This isn't a student art show on campus.  It's a private gallery with potential buyers, with the possibility of being invited back to show more art, the possibility of getting into more galleries.  She's secretly hoping it will give her a feel of her viability as an artist.

Of course she’s wearing her usual little black art show dress, plus the [purple cat earrings](https://www.etsy.com/listing/271699224/s925-silver-cat-earrings-purple-pearl?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=purple%20cat%20pearl%20earrings&ref=sr_gallery_7) Shitty gave to her last Christmas.  The doors have been open for exactly three minutes and she's pacing the floor by her little section of display space. 

When she sees Shitty’s car drive by the front windows, slowly, like he’s looking for parking or trying to see inside, she takes a deep breath and lets it slowly leak out through her teeth. She wipes her palms down the skirt of her dress and checks to make sure her necklace is straight.  It should take Shitty a few minutes to find parking and walk to the entrance so she thinks about grabbing a couple of the half-filled plastic wine cups on the food and beverage table to greet him with.  He’s a little faster than she expected though, and she sees him coming up the front walk before she has a chance to grab them.  He’s got his hair tied back and is wearing a tan blazer over his button down and dark jeans and those really nice kenneth cole shoes she likes.  She’s just starting to smile at the warmth creeping up her neck - because she really likes it when he dresses up, when he dresses up for _her_ \- when she sees him pause and look over his shoulder.  He looks over his shoulder but she has a hard time seeing what he's looking at, the glare from the setting sun making her squint.   She steps to the side out of the glare, and her jaw drops because she sees what he's looking at. _Who_ he's looking at and apparently talking to.  The team is crowded in a pack a few steps behind Shitty, laughing and punching and shoving at each other, except for Bitty of course who's trailing behind.  Whatever he says to them makes them stop with the roughhousing and he pulls the door open for them to pile inside.

Shit.  Shit shit shit.  Lardo takes a few steps backwards away from the door and looks around frantically.  The food table is close. She dives under it.

The team bursts into the gallery.  Not that she can see them, but she can hear them.  They may not be assaulting each other but they are certainly still as loud as if they were.  Maybe they won’t see her if she crawls out the back door.  Shit.  Why did she do this?  Why did she think this was an inspired idea? Something she was actually a little bit proud of. Kneeling under the table, hidden by the almost floor-length table cloth, she covers her face with her hands.

“Where’s Lardo, man?”

“I dunno.  Maybe she’s getting ready?”

“Nah, dude.  She’s always early.  Maybe she had to take a dump.”

“Oh lord.”

“Well, where’s her stuff?”

“Yeah, what’s she showing?  That big painting of you in your underwear again?”

“She didn’t say.  She just told me to be here.”

“I don’t see the underwear painting.  Does she have new stuff?  I bet I can find it.”

“Yeah, I don’t recognize anything.  I bet I can find her stuff before you.  I know her style.”

“No way, you don't share a bathroom with someone and not get to know them, like... _I_ know her style.”

“You think you know it better than me?”

“Dude.”

“Oh, it is so on.  Okay, no looking at name tags.  Everyone stand by the pieces they think are hers.  Winner doesn’t pay for drinks tonight.”

“Deal.”

“Okay.”

“You’re on.”

“You dudes are goin’ down!”

“Oh lord.”

Lardo crouches down so she can see past the bottom of the tablecloth and spots the familiar shoes moving around the gallery floor.  Ransom’s and Holster’s feet are racing together from display to display.  Bitty’s feet are stuck in front of her friend Sivan’s sculpture that is a deconstructed oven made to look like a giant black crow. Chowder, Dex and Nursey are moving quickly, their paths diverging and converging at the center of the room at regular intervals, like electrons flying around a nucleus  There are other patrons wandering about, getting food from right above her, having conversations, but the guys voices carry over all other noise.  She closes her eyes and waits for it.

“Holy shit.”

“Shitty, is that-”

“Oh my god.”

“I know that dong!"

“Not bad, man.”

“Wow, she even made the angle there...”

“And the way it curves.”

“Yeah, and the vein...”

“And that change in coloring.”

“Nice ballsack, bro.”

“Oh lord!”

She doesn’t hear Shitty respond.  Is- is he mad?  Is it embarrassing for him?  It didn’t even occur to her that he might do anything but laugh, but she also didn’t imagine the team showing up to see it at the same time.  It’s his dick... _hard._ She really did put that vein in and she thinks she did a good job on the swell of his cock just below the head - she knows because that's the part that she can really get some suction on when she's blowing him - and his balls really do look that adorable and, well, snug just before he’s about to come.

She thought he’d come -  _to the gallery_!- they’d get a good laugh, they’d go out and grab something to eat and then head back to the Haus.  But.  Things might not pan out that way, now.

Her knees are starting to hurt and she can feel the sweat beading on her neck and she knows she has to at least get out from under the table.

And why is she hiding?  She’s a strong, fierce women who ...accidentally built a shrine to her boyfriend’s dick and showed it to him and his friends.  No, wait.  Intentionally built a shrine to her boyfriend’s dick but accidentally _showed it to him in front of his friends_.

Fuck it. Bụng làm, dạ chịu.  She takes a breath and crawls out on the far side of the table.  She stands and, thankfully, the team is all facing her sculpture so she can't see anything but the backs of their heads, which means they don't see her yet.   Her hands are braced on the table in front of her and she looks like a party hostess ready to offer up some canapes.  She counts to ten.  Then twenty.

When she gets to thirty she clears her throat.

Shitty’s head immediately swivels around and he spots her.  He smiles and strides over to the table, ducking around behind it so he can pull her into his side.  He bends down to kiss her but she’s too dazed to lift her chin and he can only get in a kiss to her forehead.  

“Hey, it looks great!  You have _five_ new pieces!  My favorite is the green one.  Well, second favorite.  Isn’t this a private gallery?  Are there art buyers here?  Me and the guys can talk up your stuff, bro.  Start a bidding war.”

“Um.  You’re not mad?”

Shitty legitimately looks puzzled for an instant, then smiles.

“Dude.  If you think I care about the guys seeing my junk, you don’t know me very well.”

“Yeah, but it’s,” she stands on tiptoes to try whispering directly into his ear, “ _your boner_ , dude.  It’s literally showing you about to come.  I thought about adding swarovski crystal jizz but I couldn't afford enough to do my vision justice!”

“Aw, bro!  That’s so sweet.”  He leans down and this time, even though she's still a little dazed, she does tilt her chin up to receive his kiss on the lips.

She hears shouts and catcalls from the guys which means they've seen her now too.  

He pulls her gently by the shoulder.  “Come on.  We want a private audience with the artist.  I’m sure the guys have some questions.”

They walk over with his arm around her and she resists the urge to hide her face in his armpit.  Instead, she takes a deep breath and puts her game face on and braces for the chirps.  They come fast and hard.  Shitty keeps his arm around her and takes his chirps with a smile.  Whenever she glances at him, he looks proud.  She doesn't know if he's proud of the sculpture, her, her chirp deflection game ('cuz she's on fire tonight) or what.  She squeezes his waist and he leans down again for another kiss.

 

_/ _/ _/

 

Later, they’re about to head out, all gathered near Lardo’s display when Bitty grabs her arm.  “Jack’s here!”

She looks towards the doors and sure enough, Jack is rushing into the gallery.  He looks around and spots them, strides over with his eyes on Lardo.

“Hey, Lardo.  Congratulations!  I’m glad I had a free evening and could make it out.”  He glances around and his eyes fall on the dick sculpture.  His eyebrows shoot up under the hair falling onto his forehead.

“Nice.  Shitty, d’you sit for this?  It’s quite a likeness.”

 

They stay another fifteen minutes so Jack can express his appreciation for all of Lardo’s pieces, then head out to the bars.  They all declare Shitty the winner of their earlier contest but they all pay for Lardo’s drinks too.

 

_/ _/ _/

 

As she’s drifting off to sleep that night, it only vaguely registers in her mind to wonder why they all seem to recognize Shitty’s dick  _hard._ Wut?

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Lardo makes a six foot tall bedazzled sculpture of Shitty's boner which he knows nothing about (the sculpture, not his boner.) She invites him to the gallery to see it, as a surprise, but he brings the team with him. They all recognize it. This is potentially troubling since 1) she sculpts his privates and doesn't tell him she did it, 2) puts it on public display at a gallery, then 3) his friends all see it. But, Shitty being Shitty, I didn't think it would be ooc for her to do this, or for him to not be bothered by it.
> 
> A/N: In my last CP fic I was thinking of having Shitty and Lardo overhear Jack and Bitty having sex, with Bitty moaning/shouting ‘oh lord!’ as his sex screams. It felt a little over the top ridiculous so I just moved it here.
> 
> Here's my early stage art for this fic. Not sure if I'm going to finish it. (Disclaimer: this isn't actually art, or mine. I basically took a bunch of stock photos, arranged them how I wanted, then traced them in psp. Except the penis. The penis is all mine.)
> 
> Here's my cp side blog on [tumblr](http://morepleasecheckplease.tumblr.com)


End file.
